my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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