I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
