I don't think brook has ever known best
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
