OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
