She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
