i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize