everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
