I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
