Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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