everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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