Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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