It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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