No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
