I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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