i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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