if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
