If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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