I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am spending my child support on dildos
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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