my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
