2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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