So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
