i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
