I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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