hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
