that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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