You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were destined to go to rehab together
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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