So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
