ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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