My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
