cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize