I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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