OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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