My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
