I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
