What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
