I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need a beard to bite.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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