Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
