I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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