If i come over, it means nothing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
