I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize