there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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