I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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