she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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