Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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