He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
