dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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