I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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