Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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