I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
