This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
