chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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