Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i have herpe
just one?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
