She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
