there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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