She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
