I just made out with a guy for $7.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
