Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
