paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
