It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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