like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
