i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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