Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
