So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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