Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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