The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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