and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
