i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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