He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
