VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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