I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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