OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
